Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Defending The Defenders: A Mortal Kombat Defenders of the Realm Defense

This Is a Cartoon Historian Special Presentation

Mortal Kombat Defenders of the Realm,was a Sunday Morning cartoon series that aired on the USA Network. Unfortunatly,the show was heavely critisized and dispised by the fantards,dispite having darker storylines that Almost rival that of Batman:The Animated series. Though,the show is great it's not without its faults.

Now the Fantards problem with the show is that it lacks blood,fatalities,and great fight scenes. The blood and gore aren't that big of a deal.Infact,in reality,it's a very very minor complant. Though the fantards make a big deal out of it.

However,I Will agree with them about the fight scenes and,somewhat,on the fatalities. I will now list all of the flaws of the Show.

Flaw # 1: No Deaths! There are no deaths in this series...which was annoying. The deaths don't have to be gorey(i mean look at the retro disney movies),but it was disappointing that no one died. Death Was mentioned and most villains came close to dying,but sadly no deaths.

Flaw # 2: The Not-So-Impressive Fight Scenes! If there was one thing Mortal Kombat is known for it's it awesome fight scenes. Sadly,the fight scenes in this show are slopely done. And I think there are scenes missing. Anyway,the Fantards have a right to complain about this one.

Flaw # 3: The Artwork and Animation. It's mediocre....very mediocre. Plus,it has errors. But,that's to be expected for a low budget cartoon of the early to mid 90's.

Ok,now that I've given you all of the Flawa,it's time to list the show's good aspects.

Good Aspect # 1: The Storylines. The plots of the series were good and serious,Unlike some of the other Game-based cartoons of the 90's,which were random and often times very lighthearted. Each episode is very well writen and had some emotion to them.

Another nice aspect about the Series is that The Main Bad Guy,Shao Khan,wasn't involved in all of the plots. In fact,he wes Only in a small amount of eps. There were multiple villian factions who were unrealated to Khan. This is was a huge and positive thing for action cartoons at the time.

Good Aspect # 2: The Voice Acting. The voice acting is excellent..then again,It's done by professionals. And I'm talking about the common group of VA's you hear in American Cartoons. I'll let you find out who plays who on your own.

Good Aspect # 3: The Music. The Music is well writen and goes wirth the scenes almost perfectly. In fact most of the music would fit rather well in the MK Universe.

I have said all than needs to be said about this show. It's not like what the MK Fantards say it is. It's very enjoyable..Ya just gotta give it a chance and Not compare it to the games. Here's a very very nice little tidbit for you,to help you watch the show: Don't Think Of It As A Game-Based Cartoon,But A Normal One.

Sound Advice from the Cartoon Historian to You.

Stay Gold!

*fades to black,CH Theme plays,credits roll*

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Stefan 5-on-1 With The Dorkstalkers

This Is A Cartoon Historian Special Presentation

*cartoon historian theme plays*

*Stefan and All 5 members of the dorkstalkers are sitting at a round table*

Welcome to another totally awesome Cartoon Historian Special. Now this special is special,Why? because for the first time ever,I'm joined by the Dorkstalkers. This is their very first interview in over 18 years. Now some may not care about them,other may. But one things forsure,this is gonna be an interesting Interview. Welcome guys.

American Pyron: Thank you for having us.

American Raptor: Oh yeah,mate. It's great to finally be back.

American Dimitri: Yes. And Don't call us Dorkstalker. We are Not Dorks.

American Morrigan: Speak for yourself.

Dimitri: Silence,you flat-chested demon.

Morrigan: Why You!

Pyron: Enough!

American Anakaris: I am Happy to say that the Pharaoh's quest for Pudding has come to an end. And a very delicious one at that.

Riiiight. Ok. let's begin. So what have you've guys been doing for all this time?

Pyron: Well,after the Cancelation of Darkstalkers. We all decided to persue entertainment careers,despite the knowlage that once the'r show is canned,Animated characters have trouble getting work.

Raptor: We never let something like stop us from tryin'. Dig it!

Anakaris: To them,cartoon characters are like locusts in the Pharaoh's Kingdom.

Pyron: Anyway,we all auditioned for different roles...but got shot down every time. They said that we weren't the "Ideal" characters for their shows.

Morrigan: Hollywood really sucks.

Dimitri: *under breath* not as much as you *out loud* So,after many failiers,it was decided that we try other forms of work. It was a slow and painful prosses.but we each managed to get jobs.

Raptor: Unfortunatly,mate. We all were fired from them. We contacted our Agent to see if he had any roles for us? Sadly he had nothin'.

Anakaris: Good Agent,Bad Luck.

Pyron: So we decided to wait for anything from him. We spent decades living out daily life. Luckily,I had extra money.

Morrigan: Just enough to keep us goin'

Dimiti: We did do some odd jobs. But each was a 1 time deal.

Morrigan: Just like your dates.

Dimitri: Don't make me Bite you.

Morrigan: Oh,like you can.

Pyron: I said Enough!

Raptor: My latest gig was the opening act for the Misfits reunion tour. Gig didn't pay too well,but hey,a gigs a gig.

Pyron: We all pool our earnings to keep us going. We are living on my ship in space. Lucily,I have a great cloaking device,so no one can see or detect us.

Anakaris: I had a cloak once. I wonder what happened to it?

Pyron: We were thrilled when our agent called and told us that you managed to get in touch with him and were willing to help find us work.

Dimitri: At first we were hesitant,after all,could we really trust you. But after thinking it over,We've decided to take it.

Morrigan: My only gripe about this is that I might have to work with *points to dimitri* him again. It's bad enough that we live together,but do we have to work together again too. Work was my only salvation away from him.

Dimiti: You're no prize house-mate yourself. Shockingly,you're not the worst. Raptor is. He play's his loud obnoxious music every night for hours.

Raptor: Hey,I can't help it if I love playing my Ax. Besides,I gotta be prepared for any future gig that comes my way.

Pyron: *sigh* I deal with this kinda crap everyday.

Raptor: So,Mr. Cartoon Historian,what are we gonna do for this job?

Morrigan: And more importantly,how much does it pay?

It's a comedy show gig....

Dimitri *interupting and takin' offence*: We are Not Comedians. I don't do funny.

Morrigan: Then how come you dress like a clown?

Dimitri *angry*: You are Really starting to work my last nerve,you flat chested reject from a pros..*gets smacked with morrigans projectile*

Morrigan: You're Voice is getting on my last nerves,

Dimitri *gets up very angry*: That Does it *tackles morrigan out of her chair and the 2 fight*

Pyron *shouting*: Stop this at once,you Infants.

Anakaris: The Vampire and The Demon. Always fighting like Terriers and Callicos...or was that Eagles and Tigers?

Raptor: Yahoo! This fight needs some music*pulls out his guitar and starts wailing on it,playing music* Rock On,Dudes!

Pyron: *sighs and facepalm* Why did I get stuck with these idiots. Does the Universe hate me,or something?

*chuckles* Now this is great. See you guys are funny. And that's what you're gonna do..bring the funny.

Anakaris: Funny is like funny does! So says The Great Demi-God,Forrest Gump.

*Morrigan and Dimitri continue fighting*

Ok,guys that enough. *screams* Enough!

*the 2 stop fighting and return to their seats. Raptor stops playing his guitar*

Pyron: Thank you!

Now...I totally forgot the question.

Raptor: Maybe some tunes will jog your memory.

No that's fine. I just remembered another question. You can put on a concert later.

Raptor:*a bit upset* Fine.

Ok,do you guys attend any conventions?

Pyron: Not at all.

Dimitri: Not our thing.

Morrigan: Aye,those things get really crouded and ya have to wait in line for hours to get anything.

Raptor: Besides,we never get invited to any as special guests. whick kinda sucks. I mean,I have awesome musical talent.

Anakaris: Conventions are like the Great Laberynths of Nefertiti. You get lost real easily. It's very confusing.

Pyron: as are you my bandaged friend,as are you.

Ok,next question? Hows the rest of the cast doing? Do you talk with them anymore?

Morrigan: Not really.We don't seem to cross paths.

Dimitri: They are possibly avoiding you. Because you scare them so much.

Morrigan: Shut up. Atleast I'm not totally homely.

Dimitri: Oh,you're way beyond homely..you're downright gastly.

Morrigan *angry*: You want a foot in your face?

Dimitri: Forget it,you're feet smell so bad,not even I could stand it.

Morrigan *pissed*: I'm gonna...

Pyron*pissed,yelling*: Knock it Off You two or do I have to whoop both your asses..again. *sighs* Honestly,you 2 are nothing more than children. To answer your Question,Historian. No. We don't see or Here from any of them.

Raptor: Though,I heard Harry and Felicia are married. At least,so I've heard.

Anakaris: Ah,Human/Catgirl love! Very Sick! Smelly Succubus feet! Even sicker!

Dimitri: You and your scatter-brained proverbs. Do you Ever make any sence?

Anakaris: Of course I do...I think.

*Dimitri and Pyron groan*

Ok. So you guys haven't heard anything from you're former castmates?

Pyron: Nope,sorry. We haven't seen them in years.

Raptor: They never call,they never write. It's like they totally forgot about us. How rude!

So,what was it like off the set of your old show?

Pyron: Eh,pretty hum-drum. We usually talk for a while and then go our seperate ways until the filming of the next episode.

Raptor: Bishamon was kinda cool. I dig those Samurai-guys. And Hsien-Ko was kinda attractive for a Ghost Girl.

Dimitri: That Donovan was annoying,though. He and his Hindu mannerisms. He's a traveling Hindu monk in real life.

Anakaris: Hindu-Smindu,Rudabega is True Truth.

Morrigan: Would ya knock it off,with that. There Is no Great God,Rudabega.

Anakaris *grows offended*: You dare deny the existance of Rudabega,Great God of The Pharaohs! *quickly gets up* Infidel!

Pryron: Anakaris,knock it off!

Anakaris *sits back down*: Fine. But The Prophet,Mustafa will get you back for your insult,BatWoman.

Morrigan: Whatever.

Raptor: Another cutie was Felicia.

Dimitri: Yeah,she wasn't to bad looking. But Harry Grimore was another anoying one.

Morrigan: Y'know,normaly,I would say "You think everyones annoying",but this time I'm gonna agree. Grimore was a teenage wizard version of Oogtar,the Cave Kid. I never liked having him around. He was so annoying in so many ways. I also question why he was added to the show,since he wasn't even part of the games.

Raptor: Right,Luv. He also had this,'I'm Better Than You,Because I'm a Fresh Face', attitude. Little,Sot!

Pyron: Felecia was the only friend he had on the set. I trully have no clue what Felecia sees or saw in him?

Have you ever met your Real Counterparts,Y'know the Darkstalkers from the games?

Pyron: No. But they definatly heard of us. And they weren't too thrilled at the show. I read along time ago in a magazine,that they really though that the show gave them a bad name.

Dimitri: I remember that too. In that interview they said that America has turned them into jokes. I also remember,in that same interview,that my Counterpart thought that the show contributed to the falling popularity of their game series in the U.S.

Raptor: Those blokes got no sence of humor,I tell ya.

Anakaris: No Humor,No Victory!

Morrigan: I thought we did them a favor by showing them in a humorous light.

Right. Ok. Speaking of your old show.Do you wish your show got another season?

Pyron: Sometimes,late at night,I look out the window of my chamber and wonder what might have been,if the show continued beyond the 1st season. I wonder if the show would've improved or gotten worse.

Raptor *upset*: I'll tell ya what's worse,Fire dude,We didn't even get an action figure deal. That totally blows!

Anakaris: Just like the Desert Storm Winds.

Dimitri: I,for one,was glad when the show got canned. I was happy that I didn't have to work with Morrigan anymore. But unfortunatly,years later,I found out we were gonna live together. Time Sharing really bites...no pun intended.

Morrigan: Yeah well,You were no Mr. Happy Hour either,Bat-Breath. And I was triple upset that I was sharing a home with you.

Pyron *warning them*: Don't you two Dare start up again. I think you'd better move on to the next Question,Historian.

Right.Do you think you'd guys have better luck if you split up and lead seperate lives?

Pyron: I ask myself that same question almost daily. To be honest,I don't have a clue. Though,I do know that without these 4,I would have more room on my ship and less headaches.

Dimitri: I,for one,would've prefered it. Living without Morriganm would be a plesent dream. But the reality is,we can't afford to live seperatly...literaly. Our finances are limited.

Morrigan: I share the same sentement as,Dumb-Mitri here. As much as I'd love to live far away from him,I can't because of my finances. So infortunatly,I'm stuck with him.

Anakaris: We are one Big Sticky-Icky Family.

Pyron: Maybe you 4 should've time shared,and left me alone.

Raptor: C'mon dude,admit it,you can't live without us.

Pyron: Financially yes. emotionally,No way in hell.

Morrigan: Ya love us,admit it!

Pyron: I certainly will not.

Dimitri: He doesn't like to share his personal feelings. He most likely does.

Pyron *defencive*: Enough! Next Question,Please!

Do you think people often misunderstand you?

Dimitri: Yes. and it's all because of those damn Youtube poops.

Raptor: We may be goofy at times,but we're not stupid. Those videos make us look like brainless losers.

Anakaris: Youtube Poop needs to be flushed down the toilet. It's starting to smell worse than Cleopatra's sandals after a walk through the Sahara.

Morrigan: Well,the show's content didn't help matters for our popularity either. Ya gotta admit that. There were times where we acted downright dumb. I mean sure,the show was a funny parody of the Game series,but along with the funny stuff,came the Derpy stuff.

Pyron: Of course,people have different sences of humor. What's funny to some,is offencive to others. In our case,the Darkstalkers fantards. I just wish people would just treat us more seriously. We are not as stupid as these videos make us out to be.

Here's a fun one for ya. What are your opinions on todays cartoons?

Raptor: I don't mind them. In fact,I don't watch much Cartoons. Though,I do love Anime.

Dimitri: I don't watch much TV. I usually sleep during the day and go out at night.

Morrigan: I don't watch much TV either.

Anakaris: The great box of entertainment is both a blessing and a curse.

Pyron: I usually read. But from time to time,I watch TV to see whats on. Not very big on cartoons,but I must say that America's Sitcoms are getting really bad.

Ok,this ones for Dimitri. Is there anything that you and Morrigan Do agree about?

Dimitri: I hate to admit this,but yes. Sometimes we Do agree on things. Things that I will not disclose in public.

Morrigan: Not that we agree on much.

Raptor: I like it when you 2 fight. It's very entertaining.

Pyron: I wish they would get along most of the time and spare me some headaches. Too bad it won't happen.

Anakaris: 'Tis better to get along sometimes,then to have never gotten along at all.

Pyron: For a moment,Anakaris,you were starting to make sence.

Anakaris: I prefer rupies than cents.

*Pyron groans*

Ok.What do you see yourselves doing many many years from now?

Pyron *sighs*: Same old,same old,I'm afraid. I'm just cursed like that.

Raptor: With some luck,I hope to get a music contract. After all,I still rock and will always rock. I'm a much better artist than that repulsive little sot,Justin Bieber.

Morrigan: I really don't know. With so many failed jobs,things might just stay the way they are,like Pyron said.

Dimitri: God,I hope not. Spending the rest of eternity with Morrigan is a scenario would be too scary even for me.

Morrigan: Well,I'm not too thrilled about that realistic scenario either.

Anakaris: The Future is something you make yourself,like a sandwich.

Pyron: I'm impressed Anakaris. You managed to say 2 intellegent things in a row.

Anakaris: Holy Donuts!

Pyron: And now you have broken your streak.

Ok,final question. Hope you don't mind me asking,but what's your home life like?

Pyron: I,of course,am the owner of the ship. So I'm the Master.

Dimitri: Besides my forced bouts with Morrigan,I..

Morrigan *interups*: Just wait a bloody minute! What do you mean 'Forced Bouts'. You're the one who starts up. So if anythin I have forced bouts with you.

Dimitri: You're the one who starts things. I can list a million things that I can't stand about you.

Morrigan: Well I can list a trillion things I can't stand about you.

Pryon *yelling*: Shut The Hell Up! *sighs* You see now what I have to deal with. Between this,Raptor's loud insidious music,and being annoyed by Anikaris on a daily basis. My life is total hell. However,I do have those moments of peace.

Raptor: Hey,My music ain't insidious,it's Mega Awesome! You my fiery friend have no sence of music.

Anakaris: Home is like the inside of Nefertiti's sandal closet,there is no place like it.

Pyron *sarcasticaly*: Once again,Anakaris proves his great wisdom.

Ok guys,we are out of time. I'd like to thank you 5 for joining me.

Pyron: Well the pleasure was all yours. Hopefully,thanks in part to this interview,people will see us as who we truely are.

Dimitri: Yeah. I'm sick of us being looked down upon.

Raptor: If anything,those jerks they should appreciate the entertainment we've given them.

Morrigan: Or at the very least,respect it.

Anakaris: R.E.S.P.E.C.T.,That is what we'd like to see.

Well that's al for now,hope everyone enjoyed this special interview? For The Dorkstalkers...

Dimitri *interupting*: Stop Calling Us That,Damn it!

See ya next time on The Cartoon Historian.

CH theme plays,fades to black,and credits roll*

Monday, August 8, 2011

Song Of The Month: Darkstalkers:The Animated Series

This Month,I've decided to let The American Darkstalkers theme be this months featured Song.

Darkstalkers: The Animated Series.

Mina: I still can't believe they're here.

Yeah well,they needed work,and I sometimes find them funny.